You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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