I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
