wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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