You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
