I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
