a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
