do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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