Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize