you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
