11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
