She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
NoShamevember. You game?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
