to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
