I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize