What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize