Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this boner is exhausting
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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