I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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