Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just invented taco cereal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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