I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
