Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
