somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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