I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
