i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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