Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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