there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
