the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
