Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
