i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
