At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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