he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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