I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize