AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
