What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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