According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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