im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
