Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
