I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
