The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize