Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
