I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize