can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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