i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
