Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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