Just mADE A PArabola og urine
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
