just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
