Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
