Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
