I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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