mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
