Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
