arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
