for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
