your parents love me but you hate me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this just has baby written all over it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
