I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
