i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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