just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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