Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
