dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
