I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
