Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize