They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
