Where did you get a picture of my penis
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
