im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
