I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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