i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
