Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
