I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
