My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
